Time feels slower outside of Vancouver. The churning in my head makes way for tranquility. As my mind settles, jumbled thoughts rise to the top, settle and remain there in a state of suspension. In those moments of stillness, I become aware of how many of my feelings I deny, or bury, because of associated feelings of shame. Such an odd thing, to be so afraid of our feelings. And what a liberating thing to accept them without judgment.

There’s been a slow deepening of my understanding of what it means to be in partnership. Relationships never seemed necessary to me and have at times felt stifling, a feeling exacerbated by my people-pleasing tendencies and the ease with which I will lie or deny myself in return for love and acceptance. I am learning how beautiful it is not to go through life alone, and to get to know another person so deeply in the process. That shift has spurred a desire for authenticity; for loving myself enough to believe that I do not need to edit away parts of myself in order to be worthy of another person’s love.